


The ones who sing in the dead of night

by isa_belle



Series: Taz Balance [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Mentioned IPRE Crew | Starblaster Crew, Sad The Director | Lucretia, The Bureau of Balance, The Director | Lucretia-centric, she just misses her family :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25906135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isa_belle/pseuds/isa_belle
Summary: Lucretia made it a year. Then she made it ten. What’s a few more months in the grand scheme of things?or, Lucretia has a hard time when the boys are suddenly back in her life again
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia & Everyone
Series: Taz Balance [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068122
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	The ones who sing in the dead of night

**Author's Note:**

> im relistening to taz, because apparently it's all i know how to do. so anyway, here's this because i love Lucretia.
> 
> the title is from Hadestown:  
> "Some birds sing when the sun shines bright  
> Our praise is not for them  
> But the ones who sing in the dead of night  
> We raise our cups to them"

Lucretia made it a year. Then she made it ten. What’s a few more months in the grand scheme of things?  
Maybe it’s because they’re right there, right in front of her, smiling and laughing and poking fun like nothing’s wrong. So blissfully unaware. She’s almost jealous. But she knows better.  
She sees the pieces that are missing. They’re plain as day to her. She supposes Barry sees them too, though that thought sends cold spikes of regret into her heart like ice.  
It’s so obvious in some ways. There’s always air around Taako. He moves like he’s making room for someone else, someone he doesn’t remember. And he's colder than he was before, even slower to trust somehow. That makes her stomach churn. It’s harder to see in Merle and Magnus, but it’s there. Subtle, but there. You can see little details, little cracks in the skin when you know someone as well as she knows them, and she has them _memorized_. Merle is lighter, he was always quick to smile but there's a weight that's been lifted. She can take some solace in that. Magnus is less reckless, more controlled. Or, he's just come off of being so. Like he found and lost something to live for. They're all different, in good ways and bad, but they’re not _whole_ , and that’s her guilty burden to bear.  
Something about seeing them up close again makes this harder. Easier too, in some respects. But it’s taxing to watch them talk to Davenport like he’s a stranger. To hear them speak of Barry like he’s a villain, though that’s her fault. To watch Taako pause before finishing a sentence, like he’s expecting someone else to tie it up for him.  
But it’s just a few more months. She can do this. She _has_ to do this. She’s the head of the Bureau for fucks sake, _Madame Director_. If she can’t keep it together a little bit longer, if she can’t push her terrible mistakes to the back of her mind. Well. The cost is one she knows all too well.  
So she sits and she smiles when they bumble into her office with tales of their adventures, recovering the things that they crafted with their own hands. (It was so recent when she thinks about it. She’s much closer to the day their journey ended than the day it began.) She laughs when they laugh and tries to ignore the constant pang of dread and guilt. She scolds them for their mistakes with a firm hand, the hand of a superior, not a sister. She feeds them lies and keeps her distance.  
Lucretia doesn’t start things she doesn’t plan to finish. It’s just a little bit longer, then they’ll be back, _really_ back. She’s done it and she’ll do it again. For the greater good. It doesn’t matter what happens to her after that.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! if you liked it, leave a comment, they're always greatly appreciated. i hope you have a good day :)  
> byeee


End file.
